The Importance of Family Meetings
October 2011
An excellent way to build cooperation in a family is to hold regular family meetings. Like many of my clients, you might wonder if they can really help. After all, meetings seem to be for work or church. Also, most of us did not experience regular family meetings in our home growing up, so it is hard to imagine what they might be good for and how to conduct them.
There are at least six good reasons to hold family meetings. First, they offer a chance for all members to share good feelings, not only about your lives in general, but also about each other. Second, they afford your family another opportunity to have some fun together. Third, over time, your family will feel more like a team in which people help one another. The fourth reason to have a family meeting is that it gives you, the parents, a chance to teach your children about respect and problem solving in a systematic and conscious way. Also, family meetings have been found to reduce a parent’s need to hit and yell at his/her children, which is something almost every parent has felt the urge to do at one time or another. Lastly, by holding regular family meetings, you give your children a place they can count on to be heard and loved.
Like any new habit, establishing regular family meetings takes time and effort. Here are some guidelines to help them be as effective as possible:
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Meet at a regular time. Once a week is the optimum interval in most cases. Plan the meeting to last about twenty minutes
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Allow all members to contribute to the list of topics to be addressed. The agenda can be posted on the refrigerator where all family members can add to it.
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Plan the time you have set aside for the meeting wisely. Leave time to explore alternatives and to make decisions.
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Take turns taking notes. This adds to the sense of responsibility and commitment each family member feels. It also ensures no one will forget or become confused about what was agreed to.
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Let your children speak first and let everyone talk. They will develop more of a sense of responsibility that way.
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Since you don’t want your family meeting to turn into a gripe session, limit complaining. Instead, encourage everyone to think about how to solve the problems which are presented.
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Cooperate in choosing chores. A helpful suggestion to consider is taking the least favorable chores in the beginning. For example, you could say, “I’ll clean the toilets this week. Who will dust and vacuum?” Later on you can encourage other family members to consider taking on the “yucky” chores, too.
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Use a “Job Jar” to assign chores. Put all the household chores on slips of paper that go into a jar. Take turns drawing the slips out of the jar as a way of determining who does what that week.
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Stick to all agreements made until the next meeting. The family rule is, “Everyone does what they agree to do.” This includes parents as well as children. What if someone forgets or doesn’t have time one day? That person should apologize and say they will work harder at sticking to their agreements. If, however, the agreements continue to be broken, the “work before fun” rule should apply. This means family members get their work done before they do fun activities.
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Include time for having fun.
Don’t forget – any new habit requires consistent effort. And, don’t expect to have a “perfect” meeting. Over time you will observe how family meetings are helping your family to work and grow together, which will be its own reward.
For an excellent source for learning more about family meetings and other means to achieve effective parenting, go to www.STEPPublishers. They have excellent handbooks for parents of children of all ages.